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IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS
Fangirl challenge | [5/7] heartbreaking scenes
colour meme ▪ doctor who + brown
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on your birthday,
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um yeah that’s it, have fun!
NCIS Berlin - April 23rd 2013
Tony & Ziva
The stages of grief:
- Denial — As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. What this means is that the person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of their situation, and begin to develop a false, preferable reality.
- Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; ‘“Who is to blame?”
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief.
- Bargaining — “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Other times, they will use anything valuable as a bargaining chip against another human agency to extend or prolong the life they live. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time…” People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example “Can we still be friends?” when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it is a matter of life or death.
- Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die soon so what’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
During the fourth stage, the grieving person begins to understand the certainty of death. Much like the existential concept of The Void, the idea of living becomes pointless. Things begin to lose meaning to the griever. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and sullen. This process allows the grieving person to disconnect from things of love and affection, possibly in an attempt to avoid further trauma. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the ‘aftermath’. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It is natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation. Often times, this is the ideal path to take, to find closure and make their ways to the fifth step, Acceptance.
- Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person’s situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief. This typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable mindset.
OMGGGGGGG suns-of-gallifrey this is mind-blowing David nailing it!
I’m sure David is familiar with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ work and The Five Stages Of Grief. More familiar than anyone wants to be. Sadly.
It is similar in the death scene in The Last Of The Time Lords when The Master dies. He goes through the stages. You clearly at least see denial (just a bullet, you can do this), bargaining, anger and sadness, because The Master refuses to regenerate. He bargains a lot with him and finally sees that he can’t bargain with Koschei, because Koschei is adamant in his refusal. He taunts Theta with this. And that’s where the anger flashes. REGENERATE! There is also obviously deep despair in this. (Ten is full of despair at The Master and his cruel antics all the time.) Despair and sadness follow. David really goes through the emotions here. As does John.
Interestingly, while David snaps out of these emotions relatively quickly after “Cut!” Is called, John is clearly affected and needs David’s help getting up. That’s the power of your own emotions and witnessing someone like David grieving so heartbreakingly over you. Powerful.
Wow! Now I’m getting emotional. Let me just state the obvious: David is an incredible actor and I just can’t with him.
If you ever lost someone dear to you you will understand the stages of grief. They not as linear as they were described in the book but it is good description. Never forget that David lost his mother to cancer. He knows how it feels.
Yep. That is what I said indirectly in the beginning. He is more familiar with this than anyone can wish for. Because of his mum. And now I’m getting sad again. What an ordeal this must be for all involved. There’s the suspicion, the uncertainty, the diagnosis, the struggle with the diagnosis, the treatment, the fight against cancer, the ups and downs, then the realisation. The person is incurably ill. Dying. A certainty of that. Then the final stages… Every part of this is horrible. Indescribably horrible.
It is horrible. I knew first hand. My husband died of cancer too. When I read Davids biography I cried while reading that his mother died of the same illness than my husband. Damned Colon cancer.
I’m so very sorry. So far my family have been lucky, very lucky. One close call (prostate cancer, turned out well) and a cancer scare (myself). I cried, too, when I read this bit. I haven’t read on, yet, honestly. I stopped when they described the memorial service. Too tough.
"Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end… but not always in that order.”
The story of the Eleventh Doctor’s era, in chronological order.
UNTIL D E A T H DO US PART
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